For One More Day

In Mitch Albom’s most recent novel, he explores the question: “what would you do if you could spend one more day with a lost loved one?” When I recently purchased this book, having been a big fan of Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie, little did I know that I would soon experience this in my own life.

On Monday evening, October 16th, I felt a large mass in Madeline’s neck, over the area where I believed her lymph nodes to be. Panicked, I called the vet – too late to been seen on Monday … I took her to the vet early Tuesday morning. Prepared for the worst news, having researched the internet the evening before, I was relieved to learn that the doctor suspected an infection. Although she could not rule out cancer, she was leaning toward a diagnosis of an infection. Armed with antibiotics and anticipation of test results, Maddie and I returned home to prepare for our planned camping vacation to Morro Bay. Dr. Hoffman felt it would be okay to take her on the trip. On Wednesday morning, Edwin, Rufus, Maddie and I left for Morro Bay. The following morning, Thursday, Dr. Hoffman called with the test results which indicated an infection- no cancer cells were detected. She prescribed an additional antibiotic which we would get upon our return to L.A. Later that morning, Maddie’s health seemed to be deteriorating, and swelling started in her face. Edwin recommended that we take her to a local vet for evaluation – this would help to decide if we should end our trip and return home. Upon exam, Dr. Neil was pretty certain this was a cancerous tumor, not an infection. However, he took her temperature which was very high, and felt that might be good news as this could be consistent with an infection. He recommended surgery – said he could get started in 10 minutes as Maddie was his last scheduled patient for the day. We agreed that if the surgery revealed a bad cancer, difficult to remove, we would not subject her to any heroic measures – she had lived nearly 14 years, in excellent health, and we wanted to let her go in peace. Soon after we returned to our campsite, to await Dr. Neil’s call, the call came through – too soon to be good news. As he suspected, the tumor, which he believed to be cancer, was very large and very deep into the neck and throat, esophagus, etc. He did not see a good outcome. We agreed to let her go. I sat on the floor of our trailer, petting Rufus for comfort, and feeling consumed by an overwhelming sadness. I reflected back on the last 13 ½ years of Maddie’s life with us, and how it would be to not have her. I felt overwhelming grief. Forty-five minutes later, as I still sat on the floor, having not moved, not knowing what to do, Dr. Neil called again. He revealed that he had proceeded to dissect the tumor, to be sure of the difficulty, and found that it was quite easily removed, with little disturbance to the surrounding structures, and little blood loss. He was very excited and felt this was really great news…. And did… we still want to let her go… NO! I felt it was a miracle. We could have our Maddie back. I could hardly believe it. In my elation, I knew that this was a chance, with no guarantee. But, I felt I would take any more time I could have with her, as long as she didn’t suffer unnecessarily.

As I write this, six days have passed. Maddie has experienced ups and downs, and more test results indicate severe infection, with unknown cause. Dr. Grasmehr has not ruled out cancer. Swelling overwhelms her petite face, and today, she seems more sick than she has been. More antibiotics have been prescribed, and we wait, hoping her body will fight the infection.

Throughout the day and night, I wrap my arms around her, holding her, feeling her breath, knowing the hugs may soon be over, but I’m grateful for each and every hug I still have. And, I will always be so grateful, for one more day.